Finally realising that the budget is a tough pill to swallow, Abbott now plans to wrap it in bacon before tossing it back to the public.
A fresh set of match fixing allegations have Ghana on track to receive the most backlash for staging events since My Kitchen Rules.
Cristiano Ronaldo insists representing his country is his top priority, behind sulking and hair maintenance.
After conceding to Portugal seemingly within seconds, the US responded by netting one of the goals of the tournament, somehow then taking the lead, only to have their star spangled pants pulled down in the 95th and final minute in what must’ve been the mother of all emotional roller coasters.
Meanwhile, Spain, former kings of world football and holders of every major trophy since 2008, say they’re “just hoping to score” in their final match.
Much to his wife’s displeasure, Prime Minister Tony Abbott will break his promise to fix that busted bloody laundry door out the back by the shed.
One source familiar with the workings of the Abbott family (and most doors) suggested it may even have become as unhinged as the Prime Minister.
Mr Abbott, who just days ago declared a household emergency upon initial inspection of one of the mildly bent hinges, has revised his promise, saying he’ll have it fixed by 2050.
Just getting the socking great hunk of polished wood into a position where Mr Abbott could properly examine it reportedly required the whole family to do some heavy lifting.
“If the bloke who lived here before us didn’t leave the place in such a mess, none of this would be necessary”.